When I see you smile

I smiled every time I looked at Ryan.  He smiled when he looked at me.  We acted like giddy school kids and it made us both sick :)  We picked on each other about it all the time.  How I wish I could look at him and smile.  I have cried all day today it seems.  I can't even look at his picture without losing control.  My friend, Heather, took a pic of us at Spring Fling a week before he died.  It is an awesome pic of Ryan, not so much of me.  I had been working all day, and then setting up my booth outside and then sitting outside half the night.  I was not so cute!  However, Ryan looks just like himself.  Heather had it framed for Ryan's mom and myself.   I can't even look at it without crying.  It looks as though Ryan is looking right at me.  It breaks my heart.  I am waiting for the sadness to step aside and let the fond memories flood over me.  I want to be happy when I think of Ryan.  I know one day it will come...

I love you, Ryan