Slumber Party

I drove to Ryan's parents' house last night after work and had dinner with his mom.  His dad went to a men's retreat and came home late last night.  His mom and I sat up and talked for a while after dinner.  We had a lovely time.  This morning we all three got up and ate breakfast and sat around and talked.  We decided after a few hours that we wanted lunch.  We headed to a bbq restaurant.  It was super yummy.  We then went home and I read through all the sympathy cards that had been sent to his parents.  There were so many.  Being with his parents, I felt like I had to be strong.  Therefore, I did not cry until 3:55 p.m. today when I left his parents and drove by his apt.  (I have to drive by his apt to get back to the interstate.  Believe me, I would not drive by if I did not have to.)  I totally lost it.  I cried most of the way back.  I live an hour away from his parents.  

I just can't believe this is happening.  It is so unreal.  Standing in his parents kitchen, I just kept waiting for him to walk around the corner.  It was so strange.  

His mom and I went to the apt last night so I could see their progress.  The small stuff was mostly gone.  The large furniture was still there.  They have several guys helping them to move the big stuff.  It's so strange to think he isn't there anymore.  

Just so you know my luck, I just received a new movie from Netflix.  I didn't look at my queue to see what was coming.  So today I received "P.S. I Love You".  Can you believe it?  I am debating on whether to watch it.  I have been instructed to wait by one person and told not to watch it by someone else.  Also, maybe that I should start it to see how it makes me feel and then turn it off if I get upset or get someone to watch it with me.  Well, I don't want to get someone to watch it with me because I know I'm going to cry.  I don't want to upset someone else.  I'm usually not a crier, but with the current circumstances, I cry about everything.  

I am so not ready to date again, but Ryan's mom mentioned me "moving on" a couple of days ago and that got me thinking.  It is so unfair that I have to start over.  I had found the perfect guy.  I don't want to do it again.  I do know that it is possible and that I don't have to "settle".  It took me so long to find Ryan.  I pray that God gives me the strength to get through this.  

I love you, Ryan